I think it's really interesting to see the difference in how folks handle making mistakes. I'm very much a "man I really screwed that one up" type of person and move on. So I've found it difficult to navigate the waters with folks that tend to dwell more on their mistakes and can't quite let them go. Makes for an interesting both professional and personal dynamic.
Isn't it interesting that the "how we talk to ourselves" is sometimes more "destructive" than the mistake itself, not only to our own sense of security but also to our relationships.
I think one area I notice is consistent is with asserting boundaries at work- prioritizing my own wants or needs over someone elses. My assistant would tell you this shows up as my inability to successfully implement our late policy- I let way too many people show up late, and then let the whole afternoon run late because of it. I think this comes from conditioning early on around people pleasing and wanting people to be happy with me. It doesn’t help that there’s a financial incentive for me to also see them- I get paid in this scenario only when I put their needs above my own. Needless to say we talk about this at every administrative staff meeting ;)
That link is really critical to look at - how we learned growing up to feel safe, secure, and connected (whether it was people pleasing, taking things on and being the person who solves everything and supports everyone, avoiding conflict, etc.) - it shows up at work. Thanks for sharing Sarah, I am positive your experience is reflective of so many others (I know it mirrors my own), and it's so important to reflect back to one another the ways we matter, and make sense!
I think it's really interesting to see the difference in how folks handle making mistakes. I'm very much a "man I really screwed that one up" type of person and move on. So I've found it difficult to navigate the waters with folks that tend to dwell more on their mistakes and can't quite let them go. Makes for an interesting both professional and personal dynamic.
Isn't it interesting that the "how we talk to ourselves" is sometimes more "destructive" than the mistake itself, not only to our own sense of security but also to our relationships.
I think one area I notice is consistent is with asserting boundaries at work- prioritizing my own wants or needs over someone elses. My assistant would tell you this shows up as my inability to successfully implement our late policy- I let way too many people show up late, and then let the whole afternoon run late because of it. I think this comes from conditioning early on around people pleasing and wanting people to be happy with me. It doesn’t help that there’s a financial incentive for me to also see them- I get paid in this scenario only when I put their needs above my own. Needless to say we talk about this at every administrative staff meeting ;)
That link is really critical to look at - how we learned growing up to feel safe, secure, and connected (whether it was people pleasing, taking things on and being the person who solves everything and supports everyone, avoiding conflict, etc.) - it shows up at work. Thanks for sharing Sarah, I am positive your experience is reflective of so many others (I know it mirrors my own), and it's so important to reflect back to one another the ways we matter, and make sense!